Those “So-Called” Friends

I’m a very trusting person. Although I don’t seem like it, I easily trust strangers by face value. I believe that everyone is born good. Even criminals are innately good. There are just some incidents in their lives that make them change—for the worse.

Before I entered college, I had a really big fight with some of my friends. Because of that, I promised myself that I’ll be a “bitch” in college. That didn’t go too well. Yes, I have scared some people off my back. Yes, I got rid of potential “user” friends. Yes, I have that reputation of being aloof. But somehow, I met true friends along the way. Somehow, they were able to see past through my pretensions. Somehow, they got to know the real me.

I don’t really regret that. In fact, I’ll forever thankful for having them into my life. But because of this, I have made myself vulnerable to them. They know how I think. They have memorized my moods. They are aware of my weaknesses. And most off all, they know how to hurt me. I gave them that power over me. And sadly, some do not deserve it.

I am a sucker for friendship as I am for romance. When people say “friends forever,” I stupidly take their word for it even if I perfectly know that there is no such thing as forever. Hence, I have become very choosy with friends. I guess I just don’t want to get hurt. I know what kind of friend I can be. I know how much of myself I can give. I just don’t want to go wrong. But sometimes, it is inevitable to be wrong.

It’s so sad to realize later on that not all your friends are true. It’s so sad to realize that I am about to lose one more friend. Perhaps not physically. She can, as a matter of fact, be very visible in my life right now. We can still hang out together, do the usual things we do together, and even continue to call each other friends. But somehow, the trust is no longer there. And without trust, it just could never be the same.

I sincerely hope I could bring back that trust and make things go back to the way they used to be. But knowing me, I really doubt that.